Hey Baby Girl. To think I could feel so many things in the last few months all because of you is amazing. Mama used to like it when everything in our life added up and made sense and there were explanations. And I had a hard time for a while when no one could make me promises about you. Now I’m learning that it’s ok to not always know. I don’t always need to know what tomorrow will bring or how we’re going to get through a struggle…I know now that there is much joy in the moment if I am present and not afraid. When I am afraid, I am distracted and I lose time and I miss the blessing.
Emmy, as your Mama I don’t want you to be scared, but I know that someday you probably will be. If I could stand in for you and take all that fear for you, I would. What I can do is pray. My prayer to the One who casts out fear is that you will not be overcome, that fear won’t take the joy from your moments. I pray that when the unknown comes, you will look for my hand on one side of you and Daddy’s on the other and that we can walk together knowing that He has been good to us and we will be OK.
By the way Em, I don’t ever wish that our life was different. I don’t wish that we could go back and change things and have our “old” life back and I certainly don’t ever wish that you were any different. The beauty that has come from the unknown has opened my heart, emptied it of the unnecessary, and filled it back up again with the creative, the good, the hopeful. I have made some of my best changes in these last few months because you, Ava, Jude and Piper make me want to be the very best I can be. You bring us great joy Emmy. Great, great joy.
I love you my gift, my girl.