Dear Ava,

Do you know that when you were a small baby and you would cry, my heart would jump? It’s hard to describe what it’s like to be a new Mommy…but there was and is something about you that makes me want to run to your side at the first tear or even the slightest giggle that leaves you.  I love all of your emotions and all that makes you my Ava.  Sometimes I wonder if you ever feel lost in the shuffle of our life.  I want you to know you never are.  I always know you are there, my tender companion.  You never walk far from me, it’s just the way you are.  An adventure usually makes you uncertain and scared…because you have a special ability to see ten miles down the road.  And like your Daddy, you think of all the possible outcomes before we take the first step.  But this makes you brave, my strong girl.  Braver than most, because you often choose to go anyway, even when you’re scared.

When we first told you that Emmy had Williams Syndrome, your first question was, “I know what Emmy is like now…but what I wonder is, what will she be like when she’s older?”  You get me with those questions because you often ask the very same question I wish I could answer for myself… “We have to wait and see, sweetie…” That’s what I said to you.  I hope you haven’t worried.  Because she’s doing really well, Ava.  And that is in part because of you.  You are an invaluable gift to her-her big sister.  There may be times that you don’t want to be that.  It’s ok. It may not be easy.  But it can be good, if you look for it to be good.  And just like I’ve promised Emmy that we will walk this road with her, we will also walk it with you…”so that you’re never alone.”  So I hope that this adventure with Emmy will be like the ones you’ve dared to take on before…there may be times when you don’t know how to respond, times when you feel angry, times when you feel like you’re not quite sure what you’re supposed to do with the gift of your little sister.  But know that there will be Grace in the midst from us and from the One who loved you before we even knew you.

Ava, you occupy a place in my heart that is all your own.  I love your soft face, the way your wrinkle your brow in concern, your vast, beautiful imagination, the intensity of your feelings, and the precision with which you create art.  I marvel at the things you think and adore the things you say.  Put one foot in front of the other when things get difficult…even if it’s just prayer uttered or a choice to be grateful.  I love you my Ava.

Always,

Mama

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2 thoughts on “Dear Ava,

  1. Hi Katy! I’ve just spent the last hour reading your blog on Emma and am so moved both by the beauty of your words and the strength of your emotions! And indeed Emma looks wonderful! She is also a lucky child to have you and Pete by her side all through her life, cheering her on! God was truly right- on in making you the parents of Emma! I will continue to read your posts- and share with my friend whose nephew with Williams Syndrome is one of her greatest joys, too!

    • Hi Rose! Thank you so much for reading! Your words mean so much to me. This blog has been an outlet for me during these last few months and writing to Emmy and her siblings is something I wanted to do so I don’t forget what this part of the journey was like. I so appreciate you passing it on to your friend and their family. I know they are much further down the road, but there is always a connection when we both have kids with WS. So good to hear from you and I hope you are doing well!

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