Dear Emmy,

imageWhen we first learned that you had Williams Symdrome, people reassured us that God knows exactly what He’s doing when He gives kids like you to parents like us. To Mamas like me…

I would shake my head and argue every time that I wasn’t any more prepared or special than the next Mama.  I couldn’t let those words sit with me but now I realize that they are in fact, true.  God did need to give us you-but not so much because you needed me.

He knew how much I needed to change, how much more I needed to see. And because He loves me, He wouldn’t leave me there unknowing and always wanting.  He knew how fast I was running through life, checking off our days, only celebrating that we made it through another 24 hours.  He saw the fear that lived in my heart-the kind that made me flinch at the thought of any pain that might come near us, the kind I’m more comfortable with now because the pain came and it isn’t as scary as the anticipation of it.  He was familiar with my survival tactics and the many moments I missed in the name of ingratitude or exhausted distraction.

He wanted me to see the many, many others who live, struggle, limp and thrive with a disability.  I needed to look at their eyes and begin to understand that success  isn’t always a milestone met on time, but simply a choice to keep trying even if it’s hard.  He helped me let go of the happiness that exists “only if” and be open to the hard earned beauty that comes from a life interrupted.

Emmy, you are tiny but your presence is big, overflowing into all the parts of our lives big and small.  I wouldn’t have asked for you to have a disability but look at all the things I’d never know, never celebrate if it wasn’t for you.  I’m thankful that God knew, long before we did, what it would take to make me smile big at a story I couldn’t have written-a life that is full of precious lessons learned and memories made.

All My Love,

Mama